The Phantom of the Ville must consult a thesaurus to find enough synonyms for “huge” to describe the enormity of Ohio’s Haunted Hoochie at Dead Acres!
This year marks my very first pilgrimage to the Haunted Hoochie in West Pataskala, Ohio, approximately three and a half hours drive from the Louisville city limits. For years now I’ve been hearing about the extreme haunt experience delivered by the cast and crew of this nationally top rated Halloween attraction, but nothing could possibly prepare me for the overwhelming spectacle of Grand Guignol extravagance I witnessed last Thursday evening.
The Haunted Hoochie at Dead Acres is the King Kong of haunted attractions in this part of the country.
Pulling into the parking lot, I could hear blasts of pyro coming from the 40 foot silos and fire breathing gargoyles perched atop the multiple buildings that make up the central haunt. As I got closer, throbbing death metal and gloomy dance pop filled the air, and Goth girls danced in cages above the looming crowd. Don’t call the Haunted Hoochie a haunted house. It’s a phantasmagorical wonderland; a Halloween Mecca for the hardest core haunt enthusiasts in the Midwest.
Even the barn that holds the ticket booth and gift shop could be described as an entire retail store in its own right. Haunted Hoochie doesn’t do anything small. If they were a rock band, they would be KISS.
When we reached the entryway beneath a huge evil tree, apparently a leftover from the days when they were known only as Dead Acres, we were met with a number of ominous warning signs that said things like, “Warning! Risk of Physical and Emotional Injury!”
The sign to the left of the entrance reads, “Risks may include, among other things, slipping, falling, collision with fixed objects or other participants, bruises, twists, sprains, breaks and seizures. Understand that such risks simply cannot be eliminated without jeopardizing the essential qualities of this activity. By purchasing a ticket it is expressly understood that you have been made aware of the risks and you agree to assume all the risks.”
In other words, if you buy a ticket, it’s your ass! Gulp.
There was no turning back at this point, so I mentally braced myself for whatever lie ahead and took the plunge into darkness. In comparison to the extreme touching that I’ve experienced here in Louisville at the Haunted Hotel and years before at Industrial Nightmare, Haunted Hoochie wasn’t nearly as physically brutal as I expected. I was occasionally grabbed and pushed, but overall wasn’t as harshly manhandled as I expected, the toughest physical attack coming from a female demon in the massive cathedral scene.
In terms of genuine Grand Guignol, the Haunted Hoochie might be the goriest splatter-fest I’ve ever seen in a haunt. In fact, there are several rooms with dead ends that won’t open up until guests witness a mini theatrical murder scene. These include a shotgun suicide, a whack-a-mole head crushing, an Alice Cooper style guillotine, a chainsaw beheading and a poor soul getting part of his face sliced off. The splatter effects in these scenes is second to none and I’ve never seen anything like them before.
It’s difficult for me to describe just how big the scenes in the Haunted Hoochie are, and many are so elaborately staged that I could barely tell whether I was inside or outside as I moved from scene to scene. One scene I like to refer to as “The Hall of the Giants” finds guests surrounded by 8 or 10 gigantic animatronic monsters, all roaring, lashing and lunging about. I’ve never seen so many animatronics in one place outside of the Transworld Halloween & Attractions Show in St. Louis. At one point, a twelve foot blinking eye follows guests through a scene.
So whether you’re the kind of haunt fan that enjoys aggressive scareactors, giant animatronic monsters & eye candy or buckets of blood, the Haunted Hoochie delivers all of these elements in one attraction. They have two attractions, actually, including the largest 3D carnival maze I’ve ever walked through as an added attraction.
The Haunted Hoochie at Dead Acres is located at 13861 Broad Street SW in West Pataskala, Ohio. They’re open Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays from Oct. 13th through Oct 29th. Thursdays from 7PM until midnight and Fridays and Saturdays from 6PM until 2AM. General Admission is $25 and VIP Speed Passes are $45.
Learn more about this attraction and other Road Trip Attractions on our Road Trips page.
